


I Want You Inside of Me

by heyhey



Category: Life on Mars (UK), Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Gen, Horror, i guess, i guess it's kind of creepy, i'm not sure, ish?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-25
Updated: 2008-03-25
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyhey/pseuds/heyhey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When crackfic of the "nesting" variety was requested, I got confused. This is the result. They are in a box, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want You Inside of Me

James awoke first. He didn't know he'd awoken first; he thought he'd awoken alone. It was dark, too dark to see anything at all, and though he stayed very still for several minutes and waited for his eyes to adjust, they never did. This concerned him. Home wasn't like this; Sarah's wasn't like this. The few friends' houses where he'd feel comfortable spending the night if he'd had a bit too much the evening before weren't like this. For one, they all had windows. For another, no one had made him sleep on a floor since he was nineteen, no matter how drunk he got. Even Sarah.

Reaching for his keys, hoping he could at least get himself home from wherever here was, James remembered the froggy keychain his niece had given him at Christmas. He'd received the inevitable mocking when he'd shown up for filming with keys guarded by frog, but mocking he could take. He was used to mocking. What he absolutely couldn't bear was a five-year-old girl crying in a corner because he'd rejected her Christmas present. And so he had a froggy keychain. More importantly he had froggy keychain that lit up.

Which was what alerted James to the fact that he had woken up first and not simply alone. Unfortunately, the froggy keychain that lit up also ribbited, and first to wake up was very shortly followed by second and third as Richard and Jeremy became aware of the world around them. Though, as neither owned a light-up froggy keychain, their awareness was limited.

"Where the hell am I?" Jeremy bellowed, "And who's shining that damn light in my eyes?"

"I don't know," answered James, "And me."

"James? Jeremy? Is there anyone else here?" Richard called. When no one answered, all three seemed to mutually agree that it was just them. At least that's what they appeared to do by froggy light.

James began shuffling around the room, feeling for the door but not wanting to bump into any furniture on the way.

"Ow! Fuck!"

"Jeremy, what is it?" James switched his frog back on and swung it in the direction the curse came from, but he couldn't find Jeremy. The beam didn't seem to be strong enough.

"I ran into the bloody wall!"

"Hang on, we're coming," Richard called back. "Just keep talking."

Which was perhaps the wrong thing to say. Jeremy kept up a string of curses, James thought not so much out of anger but just because he seemed to like having the opportunity to curse a blue streak without anyone telling him he couldn't. He actually sounded quite happy by the time both of his co-presenters reached him.

"Wall?" Richard asked.

"Wall," Jeremy confirmed. He rubbed at the side of his face, which in the dim light looked to have taken the brunt of the trauma, and gave the wall a kick. But gingerly.

James ran his hand along the wall, up and down, back and across the surface. "It's wood, but it's not planks. It's just one big piece." He knelt down. "The floor, too. Hammond, you go right, I'll go left. Walk along the wall and call out when you find a door." Richard nodded and set off, keeping one hand on the wall in the darkness.

"What do I do?" Jeremy asked.

"Try not to injure yourself further on stationary objects!" Hammond shouted a bit too loudly from just a few feet away. It was hard to judge volume in the dark.

James moved slowly along the wall, keeping his froggy light turned off to preserve the batteries, just in case. He didn't like to think about what just in case would mean.

He covered the rest of the wall he'd started with Hammond, made a 90 degree turn, covered a second, shorter wall, made a second 90 degree turn, and began feeling along his third wall. He was on the wall opposite to the one on which he'd begun, and he was surprised when he bumped into Richard again.

"You didn't call out," James said, accusingly.

"Neither did you," Richard responded. "I didn't find a door. Did you?"

"No, but that's not right, there must be a door."

"How else would some crackpot put us in here?" Jeremy asked. He'd obviously begun making his way over when he heard them meet up. Jeremy abruptly stuck his hand out, feeling for the wall and inadvertently ruffling Richard's hair. Ignoring the shorter man's protests, he pressed himself against the wall. James could hear him jumping.

"What are you doing?"

"Jumping," Jeremy replied, out-of-breath.

"Why?" James asked patiently.

"I can touch the ceilings in most normal height rooms. I can't feel a thing here." He stopped jumping and sat down with a thump. "Want to hear what else is weird?"

"Besides being locked in a dark wooden room with no doors with the two of you? Yes, Jeremy, please tell us what can make this weirder," Richard replied.

Jeremy ignored him. "There's nothing here but us. I've crossed this room a couple of times now, and except when the wall jumped out at me, I haven't bumped into a single piece of furniture. I haven't bumped into a single piece of anything."

"I thought it was strange I woke up on the floor. Maybe we should scour the room, see if there's anything we missed." Because he didn't have his froggy light out, James missed the incredulous looks the others shot him, but when Richard joined Jeremy with a thump on the floor, he had his answer.

A noise that seemed to come from outside of the room had them all jumping up, however. It sounded like it was coming from above them, and James looked quizzically at his two friends, but of course he couldn't see if they were as confused as he was in the pitch dark.

Ironically, the small room was suddenly flooded with light as the ceiling of the room was ripped off.

James's head snapped forward to face whatever was happening, and he tried to blink at the brightness, but he found his eyes were frozen open. He tried to look at his colleagues, but found his head and neck would no longer follow his instructions. He seemed to be paralyzed, and the only thing he could move were his eyes, which he swung around to look at Richard. As his eyes adjusted and the blur of colors resolved itself, he saw his own horror reflected in Richard's frozen eyes. But Richard wasn't looking at him; he was looking straight up.

James followed his gaze and was again blinded by the brightness, colors swirling before him, but he could hear a voice. "Here, Tee Gee, I've brought you some friends!" James could make out the shape of a giant arm reaching down through the now nonexistent roof, holding a little stuffed dog, which it placed on the floor a few feet in front of Richard. The voice giggled in a way that made James's head want to crack, and the ceiling was replaced, once again blotting out the light.

As soon as the darkness returned, James found he could move again. So could the others, apparently, as Jeremy was yelling.

"What the hell was that all about?" James didn't know, and he didn't bother to answer, either. He just followed the voice until his hands brushed Jeremy's jacket, bringing the tirade up short. James felt his chest roughly poked, and then the fingers moved up to pull on his hair. It was Jeremy's method of identification, because asking would just be too straightforward. "So where's Hamster, then?" Jeremy asked, matter-of-factly

"Over here!" a voiced called from a few feet to the right. James walked in the direction of the voice, and nearly tumbled over Richard who was kneeling on the floor. "It's Tee Gee!" Richard offered by way of explanation.

James reached out, and sure enough, Richard was petting a real, live Labradoodle. James gave the dog a scratch behind the ear and got his hand licked for his trouble.

"How did she get in here?" Jeremy asked from above.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I saw that... giant arm put a stuffed white dog in here with us," James said, as if he actually really couldn't believe he was saying it all.

"And the voice called her Tee Gee," Richard added, breathless, sounding utterly convinced by the evidence.

James couldn't see Jeremy, but he could feel his skepticism. He could feel his own skepticism. "And the stuffed dog came to life as a real dog then?"

"How else do you explain Tee Gee?" Richard seemed to be the only one convinced, and James had to admit that had Fusker suddenly appeared, he'd probably argue for his pet's existence as well.

It didn't really matter, because the ceiling was being ripped off again. James, Richard, and Jeremy all stood to attention as light poured in once more, and James was only mildly surprised to find that he'd lost the use of his limbs again. He swung his eyes down, but Tee Gee was curled up just as she had been when the arm had first put her in the room.

The sound of the voice caused James to look toward the nonexistent ceiling again. "Aww, Tee Gee, are you sleepy? Do you want to go in your home?" James realized it was the voice of a little girl, and the part of his mind that convinced him to avoid horror movies for this very reason passed out. The rest of James's mind would have gladly followed but was forced to remain conscious and watch what happened next.

The Arm reached into the room again, but instead of picking up Tee Gee, she picked up Richard. James tried to force his legs to move, to run, to allow him to catch on to that hand and pull those fingers apart before it was too late. But as James watched, it already was too late. The little girl, whom James could quite clearly see now that his eyes had adjusted to the full light, gave Richard's midsection a 45 degree twist and then popped his torso in half. James couldn't look away, so he instead stared, horrified, expecting blood and organs or something to fall out, but nothing did.

The girl placed Richard's bottom half on the ground but kept his top half in her left hand. With her right hand, she picked up the motionless Tee Gee and placed her, to James's dismay, very gently inside Richard's lower half. "Now you can sleep in your home!" she said proudly. With that, she placed Richard's upper half on top of his lower half and with a snickt, Richard was back in one piece with no sign of Tee Gee.

Richard's eyes swiveled around to meet James. James thought they looked like they were screaming.

James's eyes were still locked with Richard's when he felt the little girl's giant hand lock around his own body. He knew couldn't have moved away, but he struggled nonetheless. When James felt one hand settle on his lower body and one on his upper, he knew what was coming. There was a sickening twisting motion and then the darkness of unconsciousness.

When James came to, he was standing upright, and only he and Jeremy remained in what he now realized was a toy box. Rotating his eyes to meet Jeremy's he knew that he was wrong, it wasn't just him and Jeremy left in the box; Richard was there, too. Richard was inside of James. James felt his skin crawl and attempted to squirm, attempted to shift his weight, attempted to do anything to ease this new fullness, but of course he was glued to the spot.

James barely even noticed as the girl reached for Jeremy. He tried not to watch. He tried to focus his mind on something else, trains, sheds, his next column, but all he could think about was whether or not he would still exist when he was inside of Jeremy, whether or not Richard still existed inside of him.

And then he was being picked up, carefully placed inside of Jeremy's bottom half, and Jeremy's top half was shutting out all the light and sound. James screamed, but he was pretty sure no one could hear.

He kept up the screaming for about a minute, until he felt a jostling, and then he was being moved. Jeremy was walking. That answered that question; he still existed inside of Jeremy. James stopped screaming. He reached for his froggy keychain, but his arms didn't appear to work, at least not in the normal way.

"James? Richard? Fucking hell!"

James tried to shout out that he was here, right here, inside, but Jeremy didn't seem to hear. Some athletic bouncing around only produced what James took, from his perspective, to be a large fart and a curse.

James could feel Jeremy was bending now, and he took the extra stiffness in his own body to be Richard's attempt to remain upright. The thought gave him some comfort, even if it was just bollocks. James could tell Jeremy was sitting now, hence they all were, curled up on one another.

He could feel Jeremy hugging himself and hear a muffled, "'m sorry, James," as he buried his face in his arms. James couldn't get away from the embrace, so he tried to pull as far out of it as he could, like when his Aunt Ora, who smells of fertilizer and peppermint, tries to hug him and pinch his bum at the same time. When James realized how futile it was to attempt to pull away from Jeremy, he simply allowed himself to melt into the hug. Once he got over the sensation of being consumed and gave himself over to the feeling of just being held, he imagined Richard was being hugged, as well. He thought Richard would probably like that.

After some time, James heard snores coming from above and around him, and realized Jeremy had fallen asleep, hugging his knees. It wasn't James’s preferred sleeping position, but he didn't have a lot of say in the matter, and he hoped vaguely that he was roomy enough for Richard. The idea that Tee Gee might shed made him giggle, and he managed to follow Jeremy into an at least somewhat peaceful sleep, populated with creepy little girls though his dreams were.

When James awoke, he was sitting up, arms wrapped around himself, still in the Jezza-enforced hugging position. But Jeremy was nowhere to be found, and the empty feeling told James that Richard was no longer inside of him either. He reached out blindly in the darkness for his companions and pressed a hand to the wooden wall behind himself to stand, immediately falling to the "floor."

Which wasn't a floor at all but was instead his own bed. He'd attempted to stand up on his bed and fallen over. James reached for the bedside lamp, and a warm glow filled the room, a relief from the harsh lights from outside the box. James shivered at the thought and then felt silly for allowing a nightmare to get the better of him.

His phone on the nightstand was flashing that he had a two new text messages. James reached for his mobile; though it might be a bit early, he didn't mind starting his day at (a quick check of the alarm clock) 3:37, and a link to the outside world might return some normalcy to his bedroom after that dream.

The first message was from Richard. It said, "You won't believe the dream i just had!"

The second was from Jeremy. "Im Never Watchng Life On Mars Repeats Again Evr"


End file.
